Overcoming Insecurities: 3 Things I Hated About Myself

Hello readers! From wherever you came from.

Whether you’re my follower ( 🙂 , hello! ) or you saw this post linked in my homepage or my Introducing BeautyBeyondTwenty a.k.a BBT post.

If you saw this title and became curious with how I overcame most of my insecurities, you’re at the right place. We might share the same insecurities too! By the way, this became a really long post as I was pouring my heart into it so I decided to split it into 2 parts!

Overcoming Insecurities

Before I begin my story, I would like to first say that I have been able to overcome some of them largely due to physical changes (not plastic surgery) and also by thinking in a different perspective. Although I did seriously think of plastic surgery back then. Gradually, I was able to be more confident and raise my head up high. How? Well, please read on.

1. Complexion of my skin

Long before insecurities emerged from ourselves, we started out as kids, innocently pointing out something different from what we have already have but not really to mean something bad.

When puberty arises, some of us begin to experience a few pimple breakouts, mild to severe acne and worse, cystic acne.

If you don’t know what’s cystic acne, you can check this (WebMD.com) out to know more (apparently, cystic acne occurs more in men, but women get them too).

However, in my situation, I never had cystic acne. Even then, it still doesn’t go to show that I never felt inferior when I compare my complexion to other girls my age. As I stated in my introduction post, I started getting all these pimples when I was about 12, also it was the time when my puberty started. 

It’s been a little over 10 years since (as of writing this post), but I can definitely say that I remember the exact feelings during that period of roughly 8 years battling mild to severe acne.

To be honest…

When my puberty first began, the severity of my acne problems were not that bad. I still didn’t care much as I always knew of pimples as something that came and go.

A friend of mine and I even once thought that the earlier you have it, the earlier it’ll go away. (Hah, what a joke..) We were celebrating quietly that we wouldn’t need to suffer the ugly pimple scars when we get older.

It just began to get even worse after I turned 17. Since I graduated from my secondary school at 16, I never got to meddle with makeup yet. When I went to a polytechnic the next year, it was a place where everyone looked better than me. I kid you not. We had no school uniforms this time.

Everyone was decked out in their cool looking parkas, hoodies, and skirts, whatever you can think of.

Everyone looked better because their faces were so freaking clean and clear and they all seemed to have a higher self-esteem.

Whereas my face gets beet red so easily, how could I ever feel confident with those acne and hyperpigmentation?

When friends mention about ‘Why my pimples were on a rage / why do I look so red (cheeks were the main area getting attacked btw)’, I just feel even smaller.

“If I knew why, I wouldn’t be like this right?”, I thought to myself.

Now, on days when I’m just hanging around my neighbourhood, I wear only sunscreen. If I’m looking a little pale on my lips, I lightly use a tinted lip balm just to give me some colour. The most I’d go is brows, sunscreen and lipstick.

I still have scars. Battle scars. But I don’t mind because I’m no longer as afraid of people judging.

This is what I’m going to say to you, if you’re feeling insecure about your skin.

You just do you. Yes, you can cry about your acne, scars and low self-esteem. But once you’re done, try to get back up. You have to know that no one really cares what your skin looks like.

Do you remember the time when you passed by someone whose skin wasn’t very good? How long was it on your mind? 3 seconds? If it’s a person you don’t personally know, you don’t really bother. So get going with your life and live life to the fullest!

And if someone you know keeps poking fun at your insecurities, let them know how you feel. If they still continue, they’re not worth it.

I even used to wear my Revlon Colorstay Liquid Foundation (super full coverage – if you remember when it was so hot in the market) just to go to my aunt’s house that was a 10 minutes walk away. Thinking back, I feel pity for myself. My relatives also mentioned it nonchalantly like it was nothing, which did not help.

They still do, lol.

I talked more about it in the related post below, so if you’re interested, you know what to do! (It should open in a new tab)

Related post: Accutane Journey & Tips: 5 years later

2. Eyes (oh hooded eyes)

Now for the eyes.

My left eyelid used to be a double eyelid and my right was just a single eyelid. I followed everyone on YouTube and started attempting with eyeliner but I always got frustrated.

If you’re a single (and hooded) eyelid person, I’m sure you’d know how it feels when you draw a thick line but when your hooded eyes open, all you see is just a line so much thinner. With a double eyelid on the other eye, it never looked even as it’s always the one that looks bigger. I tried for the longest time. I really wanted it to work.

Unfortunately, I had to give eyeliner up and I did so about a year back. Now I only draw the outer corners lol.

Haha and what’s funny was that my double eyelid (on the left) gradually became a crease, no longer a tapered double eyelid. It does look slightly less obvious now, unless people see me up close.

In the past when I had a double eyelid on my left, I used my side bangs/fringe to cover my single eyelid side so I don’t look weird. Come to think of it, it’s pretty sad to see myself feeling so inferior to others.

Oh yeah, I even used double eyelid tapes and glues! Who’s with me on that? I gave up after hearing that it makes our eyelids droop even more as we age. Yikes. So I stopped after a while. After all, I didn’t even have the motivation to keep doing it. It was tiring trying to even match them since my eyes look different. Literally a #firstworldproblem.

3. Nose (where did you go)

Lastly, my most hated part of myself in the past was my nose.

You know I’m not even hoping for a sky high nose bridge, all I’m hoping for is a nose bridge. Lol.

Yes you heard that right. But okay, I have a nose bridge but it’s just a really low and flat nose bridge. It’s so sad to not be able to rock sunglasses out without it sliding off easily. The only way to keep it up was with my chubby cheeks haha. So I only sparingly use sunglasses when it was needed to block out the sun.

Plus, I even seriously thought about getting rhinoplasty surgery or even give fillers a try.

Oh since we’re on plastic surgery, I even once thought about shaving my jaw. If that sounds scary to you, you might not know much about plastic surgery but it’s a surgery that removes part of your jaw bones so your jaw looks slimmer.

All in all, I just was not happy with my life and my face. Being in a society where people only look at you longer than a second if you look pleasant. I do remember feeling depressed once in a while and hiding under the pillow to muffle my cries when someone is home. Damn, typing this down now really brings me back and I can’t believe I did all that. It sounds so depressing.

If you’re going through this too, just know that you’re definitely not alone. No one is perfect. Really. Though obviously, you don’t go around thinking that everyone you see definitely has an inferiority complex somewhere. There are some people who are very much happy and glad with what they have, even if they might look like flaws to you.

And that’s our aim, guys! If I can be on the road to feeling that way, I’m sure you would be able to take small steps to reach it too.

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Do you have such experiences? Share it with me! It’ll be nice to know that I’m not alone as well.

With ????,

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